<rant>
In 1912, a tailor named Franz Reichelt climbed the Eiffel Tower dressed up in a parachute suit that he had made himself and, after some quiet consideration, just stepped off. He floated through the air, as you have probably guessed, just a tiny bit less gracefully than a brick would have and, instead of inspiring future generations of skydivers and parachute designers, he ended up inspiring only the Chicago Deep-Dish people. The impact of his dumb ass left a six inch depression in the ground. The crowd measured it after his body had been removed. Lol, you gotta love the French. The film of the jump and aftermath, if you are interested, is available on YouTube.
To history, Franz isn’t really considered a pioneer, nor is he considered one of the fathers of modern skydiving, he is, as one would expect, just that twit that strapped a bunch of cloth to his arse and jumped off of the tower. His antics occupy one very short sentence in the quite lengthy Wikipedia article on the history of parachuting.
Now, contrary to what you might expect, Franz was not a fool. He was a highly intelligent, well respected man, and a talented tailor. He had worked it all out carefully, agonizing over the details, and spending a great many hours designing and manufacturing that parachute suit. What he was about to do made complete sense to him, and he truly, truly did stuff both of his gigantic balls into that suit with him. I mean, you really have to appreciate the determination, the strength of will, and the firm belief in oneself required to step off of that ledge. It is written all over his face as he prepares himself for the jump. It is wonderfully insane. This kind of seriously determined stupidity caught on film is hard to come by.
Sadly though, Franz suffered from a very common affliction. You see, he was willing to put complete faith in his incomplete understanding. Read that sentence again… He did this, because the small bits that he did understand fit in very well with how he genuinely, even desperately, wanted the world to work. He didn’t want any further information and, because he firmly believed that his thinking was correct, he was willing to wager his life on his being right. Astoundingly, other knowledge was readily available to him at the time, knowledge that could have saved his life. The first successful parachute jump had taken place 115 years before Franz gave the earth an owie in 1912, and plenty of people had done it since that time, even jumping successfully from balloons that were thousands of feet in the air. They had also figured out how to correctly pack a parachute by then, so that it unfolded without any of the ropes getting tangled.
Now, generally, I am a big fan of fatal stupidity. I believe that it is something that should be fostered and encouraged in my fellow man. I don’t lament the fact that Franz didn’t live long enough to have any children, nor should you. In the case of climate change, however, I find myself up in that tower with you all, and we do seem to be chained together. I will, therefore, need to say my piece before you inevitably drag me and my descendants over the edge and we all become little blobs of jam together.
There is enormous power in having, and using, the ability to say “I don’t know,” to both yourself, and those around you. For instance, let’s say that I stabbed you in your head. And, let’s say that, after a little bit of awkward in-between time, you then asked me, “Should I pull the knife out?” I would probably say something like, “I don’t know. It may make sense to not pull it out, but, hey, talk to someone that has a better understanding of these things, like a doctor.” Sound thinking, that could possibly save your sorry life, correct?
So, why don’t people do this when it comes to climate change? The fact that everyone seems to have a firm opinion about the subject is astonishing to me. If we continue with the analogy of your stabbed head, this is like having a firm opinion on the blood/brain barrier. I mean, good grief, unless you work in medicine, your opinion on the blood/brain barrier means absolutely nothing, and it really does seem rather pointless for you to even have one. What on earth do you plan to do with it?
Let’s face it, our climate change reality is this: I don’t know; you don’t know; your uncle Bob doesn’t know. (I only bring up your uncle Bob, because he is most probably the ultimate source of your opinion on the subject, even though he is 55 and has been delivering pizzas since he finished high school.) Anyway, climate is an incredibly complex thing. Way more complex than you think it is. If you believe that you know how it works, then you are either a climate scientist, in which case I thank you for your work, or you are just being a fucking Franz. If you find yourself shouting denial down the hallways of the social media mental institution, or at your friends, or anyone that will listen, then you are really just a sad and lonely Franz that is looking for another Franz to hang out with. I get it. You genuinely want your simple way to be the way the world works. Trust me, it isn’t.
I know an uncomfortably large number of people that work in environmental science, but what I don’t know is a single one that really doubts the science behind climate change. They may argue a bit over some of the details, but that is merely because climate is not yet fully understood. Similarly, your previously stabbed brain isn’t fully understood yet either, no brain is, but does that fact make the doctors wrong when they tell you not to pull my knife out of it? Take the advice that most of them agree is best for you, and don’t just listen to those two Russian doctors that say “Meh, pull it out,” solely because they don’t love you like I do.
If you are the kind of hopeless numpty that argues with your doctors about your treatment, well, maybe it is time for you to rethink your life. If it was just you, I would put my hands up and say, “Hey, fill your boots,” and then I would sit back to observe the fun, but we are up in this crazy tower together, much to my aggravation at being paired up with you. Take this opportunity to use your new power phrase “I don’t know,” and then sit down, shut up and listen to the doctors.
If you really, really must be a Franz, because it is your nature to be a contrarian, or you think you are protecting mankind from itself, or you mumble something about fiscal responsibility, or some shit, why not do something that truly will benefit all of mankind – take up skydiving, and please, please, please do pack your own parachute…
Damn.
</rant>